stupid | upstatenygurl's Blog

Still feeling awful.  Except now it's worse.  I actually miss this loser and sort of want him back.  I wish I could just end all these feelings and go on with my life but it's so hard.  I realize there are people out there going through worse situations then I am and they're surviving.  Why can't I be stronger then this?  I talked to a counselor on the phone today - that made me feel a little better temporarily.  I haven't done anything wrong but I'm the one sitting home feeling horrible while he's out having the time of his life looking for the next person he can take advantage of.  It's cold out and I'm exhausted and I would give anything to be cuddling in bed with him right now like old times.  Seriously what is wrong with me?  I've gone from feeling sorry for myself to actually feeling bad for him because I think he has a mental illness.  I think he's a kleptomaniac and needs counseling.  Yes, I could be wrong - I hope not.  You wouldn't look down on someone for having the flu, so a mental illness isn't any worse unless the person doesn't want help or a change.  I think the main thing thats bothering me right now at the moment is that he's happy and I'm not.  He doesn't want me back and he's all thats on my mind.  I know there is nothing I can do and it's killing me.